Betty Bukkake

Alcohol hads i never have been good at holding my alcohol and I think I told him every thing that had hapend. I don't know how much I told him but the next thing I knew he went to talk to somebody at the bar and then We were out behind the restaurant in the parking lot between the dumpster and the fence and I was on my knees in a puddle sucking his cock. I knew it was wrong and that I should feel disgusted and ashamed bu8t I guess I was too drunk to care. It just felt realy good to be sucking cock. I think after all those times with my super it just felt familiar. But then there were other people ther and I tryed to stop but Marchelo held my head and started fucking my mouth and soon i wasn't doing anything any he was just forcing my head on and off him and I remember crying. I wasn't really upset, I think it was was just a release of all the tension from the day. Any way, he cept fucking me until he pulled my head back and came all over my face saying stuff like "is that what you wanted, Elizabeth? A nice face full of cum?" I don't remember telling that but I must have. But then there was another guy holding a fist full of my hair in one hadn and feeding me his cock with the other. I knew I should refuse but it just seemed easier to go along so I open my mouth and started sucking. Someone pulled up my coat an skirt up and started squeezing my ass and then ripede my panties and started playiing with my pussy. I am pretty sure it was Marchelo because I kept hearing his voice near my ear teling the guy that he had to "blow it on her face. Thats what she wants. Blow it all over her cace". Btween hearing him say that and having him play with my pussy and having some man I did not even know hold me by a fist full of hair while I sucked his cock in a back ally I was totally turned on and I came when he pulled out squirted sperm in both my eyes. BUt hen everything was so bluury I couldn't see and someone else was holding my hair and telling me to beg to suck his cock so I did. I said everything he told me to. I told him I was a slut and a dirty cocksucker and I don't remember what else. Oh, I remeber saying please alot and begging him to cum all over me. I think I was actually crying in desaraption before hi finally let me suck his cock. Then someone stuck a bottle in my pussy and I was so horny that I grabbed it and started fucking it. They all thought that was funny and hooted and laughed at me but some how I didn't care, or I think I even like that they were laughing at me. I don't really remember much after that. I know there was at leat one more guy but but I drunk and basically blind and it all sort of runs together. I have no idea how long i was out there or how many guys or what I remember realizing there was a really bright light on me for a while. I think it must have been car headlights. God, I am so disgusted with myself. When they were done with me Marchelo said he would give me a ride home but I just wanted to get away so I insisted on walking but he insisted on walkin me. I remember him now he kept asking me if it was okay if I go home like this but I don't think I realy understood what he was saying its a good thig he did cause I couldn't make my key work so he had to help and even came up to make sure I got in my apartment okay. I was afraid he would want to stay but he didn't. I wish he didn't know where i live. I didn't feel good and I was going toward the batheoom I stopped to pet Charles, thats hte cat, adn Erin was just coming out of Chris' rrom to go tho the bathroom too. She had her her pink lipstick smeared allover her mouth and I knew that she had been sucking his cock. I have seen her do it and I love wathcing her do it becasuse she and I think I kind of stopped in the hall way because I was picturing her little head bobbing like that when I noticed how she was looking at me. She looked loke she had seen a ghost and I could not figure our why but I think i started figuring out so I just tol her to go ahead and I ran and hid my room.

God, you wouldn't believe what I looked like. My face was shiny with steaks and lumps sperm and my hair was totally matted with it and it was on my coat too. white adn crusty streaks. I hope they come out. It wasn't even all dry yet and ther was so much of it! I was a totla mess and looking at myself in the mirror started to turn me on because I felt like suck a dirty slut with all those mens sperm that I didn't even know. Thats when I brought the computer inot my room so I could write this. I like writing about what happened to me while I am still all covered with it but it is all dry now and tight on my face and I will and I don't know how I will get it all ourt of my hair now. But my pussy has mad a big puddle now but my dress wass allready ruined and I know what I did was gross but it turned me on and it turns me on noew to think about it. ButI'm afraid of what Erin must think and whether she would tell Chris. I don't know what I'll say to him if he asked me. Maybe I'll just pretend, oh I don't know. It is really awful but I guess I am just to drunk and horny to wory anout it write now. I told myself thet maybe she would not know what it was but I think she knew exactly what it was. She should. she swallows enough of it. She is such a litttle slut. oh, I just had such a big orgam thinking about when she sucks his cock. I can't belive i get tuened on watching that but I do. God I am so disgusting. BUt it really does turn me on so much. I teyid not to but its like I can't stop myself. Id ont feel very good, I better go.

From: K T
Date: Mon May 28, 2001 5:13 pm
Subject: Re: [cum_on] (unknown)

Hi, betty,

good to hear from you again. wondered what happened to you and how you are doing. sounds like yu've been busy. it probably shouldn't but it turns me on too to think of having a face full of strange men's sperm. but what's this about watching your son and gf? do u do that often? its okay if you do and want to tell us--i mean, im not judgeing. everyone here understands. seems like there's more that you wanted to say...but maybe u were too drunk to finish. i like to read your posts because you do things that i'd never be brave enough to do but i think about it sometimes. :-)

kt

From: betty b
Date: Mon May 28, 2001 5:43 pm
Subject: Re: [cum_on] (unknown)

Oh God, KT, I had forgotten I had said all those things. I just read what I wrote on Saturday. I didn't mean to say all that. I shouldn't have written when I was drunk and said all those things. I had been so carefully not mentioning any names and now I have. And I feel sick to my stomach when I think of telling you what I meant by all that stuff about Erin but its true, I have watched her suck my son's cock. I hide out on the balcony and I watch them. I re-sewed the two inner pleats on his curtains so they do not hang quite straight so there is always a crack and I spy on my own son having sex, like a sick pervert. I AM a sick pervert. I am shaking while I type this but its true: I want to suck my own son's cock. I want him to cum on my face. It is all I ever wanted. This was my fantasy. That is what I dreamed last summer after I saw that couple in the change room. When I dreamed that night about being forced to suck cock it was Chris who was making me and it turn me on so much. It still turns me on. I am dripping now just writing about him forcing his own mother to suck his cock, his big cock that used to squirt at me when I changed his diapers. So now I sneak out my bedroom window and peek in his bedroom window through a crack in the curtains to see him squirting sperm and I am actually jealous of his little girlfriend because she gets to eat it and I don't. There's more but I can't say it. Its so disgusting! I am so disgusting! Oh God, I hate myself. I am going to go now Betty >

From: K T
Date: Tue May 29, 2001 8:25 pm
Subject: Re: [cum_on] (unknown)

>There's more but I can't say it. Its so disgusting! >I am so disgusting! Oh God, I hate myself. > >I am going to go now > > >betty,

seems like you need to talk. youll probably feel better if you do and maybe realize that you arent the sickest person in the world...lots of people never say what they really think...i admire you you do. :-) cheer up and if you need to talk message me privately or its okay no one seems to read this list much and anyone who does wouldnt think that your horrible and sick i'm sure.

hugs,

kt

From: betty b
Date: Wed May 30, 2001 8:53 am
Subject: Re: [cum_on] (unknown)

KT Thanks for writing; its nice to know someone cares. I have been a bit depressed ever since the other night. I just don't know what has happened to me recently, but whatevrer it is, I don't like it. I guess I just don't feel very good about myself these days and, at the moment, I can't think of anything to say. You know what I've done and talking isn't going to make it go away. I am thinking of going to get help, but I can't really afford it. Maybe I will write to you again if I am feeling better. Thanks for caring Betty

From: betty b
Date: Mon Jun 11, 2001 1:26 pm
Subject: Fuck you!!!!!

This is Mrs Bettys son. Only her name is not Mrs Betty it is Elizabeth Monro and she lives at 3350-306 Arbutus St in Oakville and she works at the Wells Groceries in Cloverleaf Mall and goes to Mountainview Church. I have just finished reading all the sick things she has been writing to you and I feel like pukeing. She is sick pervert and I hate her and you are a sick pervert to for reading it. But you will not be hearing from her anymore because I just changed the password on this account and the answer to the hint. I am also going to tell everyone what a sicko my mother is. I have already forwarded the emails she sent you to her friends and to our minister so they all know what a sick loser she is and I would do the same to you if I could. I hope you die you sick fuck!

From: Betty
Date: Thu Jun 14, 2001 5:57 pm
Subject:

Hi

This is Betty. I am in trouble. Somehow everyone I know has found out about what I have been writing here and my life is ruined! My son has gone to live with his father without even saying goodbye. He just didn't come home a few nights ago and I was worried sick until his father called. He seemed really mad but he just said Chris would be living with him from now on and he would be by next weekend to pick up the rest of Chris's things. That's when I looked in his drawers and found that most of his clothes were gone.

Then, the next day on my walk to work I saw a woman I know from church and said "hi' but she looked at me with this disgusted look and just hurried away. I could not figure out what I had done, but it really bothered me. You should have seen how she looked at me!

Then I got to work and my boss gave me a funny look, too, and I started getting a bad feeling.

I knew I was in trouble when I saw one of my best friends go to a different checkout and when she saw me looking at her, she just turned away with a look as if she hated me. It was aweful. I just knew that somehow everybody had found out about me, about the things I have been doing. What else could it have been? And I knew that Chris knew too, and that was why he left and that he had told his father which was why he sounded angry. I was sick. I couldn't keep working, I was shaking so badly, so I took a break but that only gave me more time to wonder what else it could be and I couldn't think of anything. I felt sick to my stomach and could feel my heart pounding. It was aweful. And almost the worst was not knowing what they all knew. I still don't. No one will talk to me. Even my mother, when I called her that night, said she could not talk and that she would call me in a few days. God, I want to die. This is the worst. I want to run away and never come back. When the kids who hang out at the mall started talking and pointing at me, laughing amongst themselves, and my son's girlfriend came over and told me I am disgusting in front of the customers, I couldn't take it any more and ran away, crying. I went to ask the manager if I could have the rest of the day off because I wasn't feeling well, and he told me that maybe I just should not come in any more.

That was it. That was the last straw and I completely lost control. I went running out of the store tears pouring down my face, with everyone staring at me with knowing looks. They all knew. Everyone knows. I can't leave my apartment. I can't answer the phone because it is either somebody who wants to tell me how sick I am or some man who wants a blowjob. Two young guys came to my door last night asking if I wanted to blow them. I slammed the door on their leering grins but I can still see them in my head, laughing at me.

I don't know what I am going to do. I have enough for this month's rent, but not much more, and I don't think U.I. will cover me because I got fired.

And then, as if all that was not enough, when I tried to log into my e-mail account my password would not work. Its like the whole world is out to get me! I have tried and tried until I wanted to throw this thing out the window, so now I just made a new account.

Oh this is stupid. Writing this isn't helping at all. I am going out of my mind. I can't even leave the apartment because I will see somebody I know. I don't have a car, but I just can't go to Wells for groceries, but I am starting to run out of things. Oh, now I'm crying again. This isn't working. My life is completely ruined telling someone about it doesn't make it the least bit better. Especially when I know that someone who belongs to this group is telling people what I say here. Whoever you are, you have ruined my life. I hope your happy.

Betty

From: Betty
Date: Mon Jun 18, 2001 1:49 pm
Subject: I feel better now

Hi

Its me again. I am sorry for that last message. I was pretty upset, but I am a lot better now. A man has been helping me and things aren't so bad, now.

He is from this group. His nick is "Sickman" and that is the only name he has told me. I don't think the name suits him, he is actually very nice.

He just came to my door Thursday night, a few hours after I sent that message. I had not answered the security intercom but he got in anyway and just came up. I wasn't even going to answer the door, but he started talk to me through it, telling me that he wanted to help me, that I needed someone to talk to who understands me, and that things were not as bad as I thought, so I let him in. Normally I would never think of letting some guy I've never met into my house, but I guess I was desparate to believe the things he was saying.

Anyway, I let him in and he was very nice. He told me he has been following my letters on the group and that the last one sounded as if I really could use a friend. He assured me that he was not here for sex, just somebody to talk to and to help out.

I certainly felt like I could use a friend, but he wasn't a friend, just some guy off the Web called "Sickman". But he just came in and made himself comfortable. He pulled a bottle of scotch out of his pocket and went into the kitchen and poured two glasses. I said I didn't want it, remembering all too well what happened last time I drank, but he said one or two would do me good and he would not let me have any more than that.

"Won't let you". I remember thinking that I should be insulted by that but feeling only comfort, as if he was looking after me. I've never drunk scotch before. Yuck!

We sat in the living room and I felt like I was supposed to tell him all my problems, but I didn't know what to say. I had said it all in that e-mail and I felt uncomfortable talking to someone I didn't know.

But he started talking. He has a very gentle calm voice, but sure of himself and it made me feel better just hearing him assure me that everything would be ok. First he told me not to worry about my job, that they cannot fire me for that and that he would talk to my boss and would work something out. I don't believe him, of course, but it was nice to have the ray of hope. But then he started telling me how much he admired me. He said he admired my courage to go after my dreams and to swallow my pride and to break taboos. And of course I did not believe any of that, either, but then the more he said it the more I started feeling, oh, I don't know, not exactly special, but like maybe I wasn't as bad as I had been feeling.

He started taking notes, writing down things I said. Often he would have an idea but he would not write it down until I had accepted it and had said it myself. "Full sentences", he would say when I just agreed with something he suggested, and I would have to say it myself. But he made me promise not to say something just because I thought he wanted me to. I had to believe it. We talked all night. It was almost dawn when he handed me the list of quotes and asked me to type it in Word before going to sleep. Then he went to sleep in Chris' room.

It felt like my head had barely touched the pillow when he was gently rousing me with a cup of coffee in his hand. He had taken the day off work but said we had to get "back to our work". Easy for him, he had had an extra hour of sleep and had probably been able to sleep for the three nights before that. He said that lack of sleep will make it easier for me to learn my lessons.

He called my boss and told him that he was representing me and that, before we started any legal proceedings regarding my wrongful dismissal, he wanted to meet with my boss and the owner about it because we could probably come to a mutually satisfactory arrangement. My boss didn't want to and he didn't want to get his father involved, either, but Sickman said it was in his father's interest and he just kind of kept insisting until my boss agreed to at least ask his father. I don't understand why he thinks he can just go and fix it all, but he says that it will just be three businessmen meeting to discuss an issue and that once they understand the problem they have they will want to take the easiest, cheapest, least messy way out.

Yeah. Sure. I'll believe it when I see it. But he just says I should trust him because this is the sort of thing he does for a living, talking with other business managers and solving problems. Well, what do I have to lose? And he doesn't want me to go, which suits me just fine!

Anyway, by the time he drove me across town to get my groceries, I had a long list of my own quotes. He calls these my "kata"; my exercises. I am supposed to read them outloud, and I have to say them as if I believe them. He calls it re-enforcement and I don't know if it is working, but I certainly feel better today than I did a few days ago. Was it really necessary for me to stay awake most of the weekend? It felt like he was torturing me, but he said it would make me feel better, and I do, so maybe he was right.

I'm going to copy my kata ont the bottom so you can see what I am talking about. Not all of it is things I said. He added the points at the bottom, but they feel true to me, too, now. I don't think I ever used the word "cunt" before in my life and now I am calling myself one! Its sounds so aweful, but I like saying it. Somehow it makes me feel stronger. That doesn't make sense, does it?

After the groceries on Friday he made me read my list over and over. It was so boring and I was so tired I started falling asleep so he made me stand up so I could keep reading. He isn't a mean person, he is just very firm, insistent. He talks to me as if I am a small child who doesn't know what is good for myself. Kindly, but in a way that it would be hard for me to say "no".

After it got dark we went out to the adult video store at the mall. I had never been in one, but he made me go in with him and help choose four tapes. It was bad enough having to face the guy at the counter at all, but with four of the things I felt like a total sex maniac. But I blushed my way through it and then we went back and he put one on.

He waited until I had gotten a little turned on and told me to masturbate. I was embarrassed to do it in front of him, especially when he was fully dressed, but he kept insisting, and told me that we had already proven that I like humiliating myself, so it was time to show him what a dirty little cunt I really was. That's what he said. Nobody had ever said such a thing to me before, well, except me during my katas, but I liked it. A shiver of excitment went through me and I wanted him to say it again.

"Look at her" he said about the girl squealling in passion on the TV, "who is a dirtier little cunt, her or you?"

Well, I thought, she is doing it on film for everyone to see, so she is.

But then, you do it for a fat old man and lick your own son's cum out of used condoms.

"I am", I admitted.

"Full sentences"

"I am a dirtier cunt because I suck off my super for rent and lick my own son's cum out of used condoms."

"And you want to show me your dirty cunt, don't you?"

Yes, I knew I did if I would only admit it to myself, so I started taking off my slacks.