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: Lesbian_Stories : The Bet 3 - Bleed for Me - total 41 reviews. 
Reviews 41 :
- read story, Author : BlueEyes101. PS: Reviews num is regularly updated.
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The Bet 3 - Bleed for Me reviews
Posted by Fluffy queer :)
NICE NICE NICE. complete with attitude at the beginning. :) i like the lyrics included. it was nice. So... obviously you are writing a part 4. i like it. so keep going.
and... any chance for a POSITIVE ending???? :P
Posted by A Fan
I think this may be the best damn thing you have ever written
Posted by Jackie
Not as long as i am writing it.
Posted by liz
dammit. come on and try SOME optimism!
Posted by TankGurL
well done
Posted by Jason
I've just finished reading all of 'The bet' and i liked how you discribed everything, got a bit confusing at times but still loved it.
Hope to see Part 4 of this so i can see the ending, so i will check in every once-in-a-while to see if you have.
Posted by Lillian
I love the comedy you use in this. Some parts im laughing, others i am getting teary eyed over. Im confused about where exactly the story is going right now, but i am sure youve got it all planned out. Ive read almost all your work and i must say, there isnt a whole lot of it i dont like. So, youve gotta keep going girl!
Posted by ac
hey dudes, how y'all going?
just been released from hospital, so i'm v* happy.
but, now, onto the review.
and, i'm going to be completely honest with you jackie;
i have no idea if anyone else feels this, or if it's just me, but this story confuses me.
especially the first bit, i really had no idea what was going on and who was who.
when you make a series, often what happens is in the time between postings, your readers will forget what has happened, and who is who.
so, a few suggestions-
*make a character apendix at the beginning or end of the stories.
*do a 'on last week's episode...' type thingy.
it just that this is such a great series, being confused sorta ruins it.
and one more thing;
you told us what the character felt, and you told us what had happened, instead of showing us. you sorta took on the part of a narator for a while and that took the effect of the story out. this was the part where the main character relised her love for monica.
but, may i say that the end was very, very well done and the feeling really came back into the story.
now, i could sya how fantastic this is, asides from the few glitches, but i'm pretty sure you allready now this.
i hold you in the deepest respect, but when i review a story, i'm a reader reviewing to the author.
because i like you too much to be honest otherwise.
thanks,
ac.
Posted by Jackie
you know, i got a feel emails saying the same thing. I already have a little recap thinger that begins the fouth one.
luv yas
Posted by Yer Mumma
I have another comment as well. What exactly is it you mean when you say "telling us instead of showing us?" The whole story has been written the same way from day one - Rachel's perspective. I never narrarated it. It has always been what is going on through Rachel. Its about what Rachel does, sees and feels. The only thing that was different was the 2nd installment about Monica and her feelings for Rachel.
Posted by ac
ok. i'll try to explain it a little better.
i reckon one of the best parts of your writing is that you never rush, you take your time and develop amazingly. but in this part, i feel like you've really wanted to just get into it, and so you told us how rachel felt. i think the story would have been far more powerful if you had of showed us. for example, you've put so much emphasis on the fact that rachel sings.
why not have done it like this;
she does a christmas show, and sings a love song that fits whats going on. halfway through singing it, she realises that she is singing it to monica, and monica knows it.
and the story continues.
i just feel as though you could have done the makeout scene alot better, and used the character's character to make it real.
you sorta just told us that she had realised suddenly, but there should have been something very strong behind that.
i dunno, maybe i'm just talking crap.
but, i am going through a programming phase at the moment. and that's all about events and actions. actions (thoughts in this case) don't just happen. the need an event behind them. the event happens, the action is carried out.
see what i mean?
you had an event, i just don't think it was powerful enough to suit the story, the characters and the action.
i mean, realising you're in love with someone is a big deal. a MASSIVE deal. especially if it's your best friend.
there needed to be a MASSIVE and POWERFUL event behind that for it to be real.
and also, you've never mentioned and little feeling rachel has had for monica. it just all sorta happened.
when writing a game or program, the first thing you do is describe what the game is, what it is about, what is going to happen etc, so things just don't happen that may not fit in the game. but if you know what is going to happen, then every thing is relivent.
so have a think about it, allright?
you did it well, but i know your standard, and that, my friend, is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay above well.
it just could have been better, that's all.
Posted by Jackie
do you realize that the story is NOT DONE?
Posted by ac
yes, why would i have not?
you made that fairly clear.
and what has that got to do with anything?
Posted by it doesn't matter
Well, you're implying that i have not brought out the love and passion between Monica and Rachel. That has everything to do with the fact that i'm not done.
Posted by Liz
hahaha. well, Jackie... do what you want between the two... hmmm... i see there is love and passion to be had... i guess that's positive. end it nicely!
J/K that might be too difficult for you.
well, happy writing.
Posted by slick419
write more. i like themm there not just sex theirs a story with emotion.
Posted by Heather
Grrrr....when is the 4th cummn out...Damn it man i check like every week...
Posted by ac
jackie-
sorry for being late reply to your, um, reply, but i'm having major problems here, but look, stop being so defensive and take note of what i'm saying. i NEVER said anything about not bringing out and future passion between the two. you've never had any problems with that. but, you do seem to do exactly what i've said, tell rather then show. i can give you examples from past work if you need it. it's the type of thing most people won't notice. but i do, and have. so don't argue with me and just try to keep it in mind for next time. i'm very critical with you because i know you want to keep people happy, and if you make the same mistake too many times, that is when people will notice it.
i won't be around for some time, as i said, i have problems, and i need to take some time out to deal with them.
i really do hope you continue writing.
and i really do hope i'll be able to come back and read the work you've done.
Posted by Chica
I like your storie really much and theres nothing wrong with it, so I'm just wondering if your working on the 4th yet cause I'm waiting patiently...(not). :D
Posted by ac
oh and one more thing.
i did begin posting a series on here, but became incredibly dissapointed when jackie didn't comment and gave up on the idea. it was the 'i swear to you series.' it was an experiment of mine, which is why i posted anonomously.
thankyou to everyone who read it and commented, especially you liz, thankyou.
sorry i never finished it.
ac.
Posted by Jackie
That is not fair. Just because i didn't comment doesn't mean i didn't enjoy the series. Quite frankly, i was waiting until it was finished to put in my two cents.
It's not right to give up on something just because of one person. It was a good story with a hell of a plot. You have every reason to finish it. Just because i never posted a comment is a ridiculous reason not to.
Posted by Heather
hmmm wonders how much longer i must have to wait to get the 4th...ur a great writer jackie i LOVE ur stuff..plz hurry up and write it grrRRrrr.
Posted by sms
i think you should just write it how you want it i like em all
but you need to finsh em quicker!
Posted by nobody the somebody
errr...when is this place gonna update itself..been waiting forever for new stories.
Posted by slick419
write the rest
Posted by SEVERUSMAX
The fiancee should come out of the closet, she is clearly a lesbian, and she shouldn't waist her fiance's time and efforts trying to get a Sappho into the sack.
Posted by SEVERUSMAX
I meant "waste".
Posted by ricanheart
Where is the 4th???? Been waiting forever.
Posted by Kim
still waiting for the 4th!!
Posted by Anonymous
How long till the 4th chapter comes out? Been waiting for the longest time. This is a great series.
Posted by ricanheart
What the? Did you forget to continue this one?
Posted by Kim
Still waiting for the fourth, this is an awesome series, you can't just leave us hanging like this!!!!!
Posted by Megan
Hey dude...
Wicked story....Im supper excited to hear the next one ...Which hopefully is soon cause i check like every day and its never there! But yeah..Definatly there has to be a fling between rachel and the tattoo on boob chick! Hurry Im waittinggggggggg!
Posted by a girl
i've log on every day to see if the 4th have come out.and heaven's sake,it's been 2-3 months!so ,unless the author suddenly drop dead,i hope she can come n finish this story.it's a pure torture waiting,so pls i'm on my knees,finish this story
Posted by Lauren M.
part 4???
Posted by Jackie
I have chosen to no longer post for this website. If you would like to read my work, you can email me or visit www.sistersinlove.org and find my writing on Jan Vincent's site. Thank you.
Posted by The Author
This story has been modified and changed. You can find chapters 1-4 on nifty.org.
You can also find "All that surrounds me" completely modified and changed with an alternate ending on nifty.org.
www.sistersinlove.org also has "All that surrounds me," but Jan Vincent tends to take a while to update.
I believe atsm is in the "beginnings" section, and the bet is in "encounters".
If you have any questions, you can email me and I am usually pretty good about responding.
Thank you and I apologize for your wait to read this story. It is now almost finished and is located on a better website that is much more frequent and better with updating.
Posted by someone who likes your stories
how do i email you if you dont have your email posted? i would like to ask you some questions but i dont no if you even check this but i cant seem to find your stories n that site if you do end up checking this plz send me an email telling me where the stories are or like the link the the stories themselves. i dono. but i really like your work
Posted by Lauren
I can't find it! HELP!!!
Posted by Author
I contacted nifty.org. I asked that "The Bet" be put in the lesbian section, but they said it contains too much hetero sexual content. You can find this story in the Bisexuals/Encounters section. Thanks
Posted by ChokeUoffrCloud
This Story Is Amazing... I Read It Awhile Back An I Just Want More Please:)
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