Poo Covered Cucumbers in Paradise

I was the tender age of 39 when I lost my virginity to a woman who I'll refer to as Hubertina. Our romance began when I first moved to Southern France, to set up my own panelbeating workshop. I met her down at the local fresh produce market, where I was buying some cucumbers. She was working there, wiping the dusty shelves with her sweet little pinafore, and breathing heavily from the exertion. I watched her from the garlic buckets as little beads of sweat ran down her unique features. I strolled nonchalantly over to her, hitting a cucumber I'd selected suggestively on my palm.

"Comment sur une pipe?" I offered, catching her eye. This roughly translates to "Suck on my pole"?. She turned quickly, her jowls all-a-flap. I stared at her meaningfully, and then then nodded to the cucumber I was holding in a sexually suggestive manner near my pelvis. Her eyes widened, and she threw her arms in the air, and dropped to her knees. Surprised, and extremely aroused, I quickly flopped out my huge member (4 inches), which by now was dripping with sexual desire, and it slapped into her chin. A slow grin crept across her face, and she looked up at me, with a cheeky glint in her eye. I would later find out it was a tumour.

So here she was, a'sucking on my diddle, me stroking her sizable buttocks with my left meathook. In my right hand was the telegraph cucumber. I glanced lovingly at the phallic form of this fabulous vegetable, and suddenly had an idea. An idea that would change my life in more ways that I was yet to know. I bonked her head with it, and when she looked up, her hair stuck to the sweat of her flat, piggish features, she went crosseyed at the sight of the huge 'cumber. I motioned suggestively to her buttocks. By the way, my massive dick (4 inches) was still in her mouth. She nodded. This caused me pain.

So I hiked up her dress over the quivering mountainside of her large buttocks, and shoved the cucumber up her pooper. She groaned, and nearly bit my sizable (4 inches) penis off. I gritted my teeth and shoved the vege in further, hoping to God almighty that I didn't lose my precious wedding tackle for the sake of this exciting greengrocer sexual misadventure. It slipped in further, and further, but stopped about halfway along its 23-odd inch length. Here I gave it a wiggle, making her grimace and contract her sphincter. With a crisp "klashunk", the cucumber was severed in half, the remaining half obviously still inside her generous anal cavity.

Since I had not purchased the vegetable in question, I was eager to get it back, so I could perhaps serriptitiously return it to its shelf. By the way, all this time she was sucking my huge cock (4 inches). I planted my 4 fingers into her gaping and pulsating anus, and fished around for the cucumber. Finding it amongst a large amount of fibrous stool, I grabbed and pulled. At this stage I think Hubertinas' anus had had enough, and I felt a huge push come from inside her butthole. In a massive wave of stinking stool and half-anally-digested vegetable, the contents of her arsehole were efficiently splattered on the shop floor.

It was at this time I looked up and saw her father standing there!! He had been there the whole time!!! I was soooo embarrassed, I just grabbed my pants and left lol, shit, I hope I never see her dad again! *groan*!!!!