Posted by TOLD U ONCE one word. HORRIBLE. My guess is this author is a 10 year old boy.
Posted by angel okay um not to dis you or anything but wow that was one big pile of crap here are some pointers one make it longer 2 names and descriptions often help stories and 3 you have to build to lesbian sex if it was a movie script then it would of been awesome but for stories we have to build an image up in our minds of what is going on so use as much description as possiable if you write a second