Posted by Jackie I am going to take a wild guess and assume the author of this story is male. It is poorly written with multiple errors in dialouge and phrasing. Half your sentences do not even make sense. I am didn't even consider reading the second half.
Posted by LucOuarm You insisted, so I read it... and didn't like it. Verb tense shifts, poor phrasing, misspellings, etc don't help this underdeveloped story at all. Try harder.
Posted by ac jackie- i totally spent the 20 minutes laughing over your review.
what is with all the shit that has been posted while i was away? i mean, fucking hell, did all the guys overdose on weed or something? i mean seriously, even they should be able to string two sentences together. i is leaving now.
Posted by liz um. i think porn pictures have more story to them than this. and better grammar. yes, that makes no sense, but neither do this. ew, i'm such a chameleon.
Posted by erin yeah um this story could have been hot if this kid knew what the hell he was doing. my guess is he is a 12 or 13 year old boy. at least use some detail.
Posted by ERIN p.s.