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: Lesbian_Stories : First Lesbian Experience - total 16 reviews. 
Reviews 16 :
- read story, Author : Jojo Johnson. PS: Reviews num is regularly updated.
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First Lesbian Experience reviews
Posted by Jackie
I hate to leave mean reviews to those that try, but i am blunt and bitchy. Please excuse me and try to understand that somewhere behind the sarcasm and complaining, i am a nice person.One word: boring. No character devolopment, no story. You dwelled way too much on sex. If your goal is to only get people off, then you shouldn't write. Besides the point, if you would have made this another page with a little bit of a plot, it would have been about ten times hotter. Instead you chose for the girls to rip of thier clothes and finger each other. This i found to be greatly disturbing. Put a little bit of effort into it next time, then maybe i will rate your story. You have potential, now use it.
Thats all i have to say about that.
Posted by LucOuarm
The previous review is accurate. This story is so short, almost no development occurs except that leading to a brief sex scene.
Posted by ac
have to agree. if you want to help people get off, you HAVE to make it a good story. a plot, background, and make it a good sex scene, i.e FOREPLAY!!! without all that, it isn't a story, and it isn't a sex story. i couldn't really care less about the sex part, but if that is the basis of your story, build your story around that. anyways, if you're a guy, and i suspect you are, try writing erotic stories as in straight erotic stories, because you've never had dyke sex and therefore don't understand it. experience is the key to writing a story. STICK TO WHAT YOU KNOW! you can't possibly understand the meaning behind all us queers, so don't try to. instead, try to put down what you do understand and know into words, and good words at that, and you'll have the basis to a good story.
if your only goal is to get people off, then so be it, but do it well, because this story ain't gonna do jack.
if you think i've been overcritical, judgemental and too harsh, then you can abuse me at ac_surfa4eva@yahoo.com.au
or you can take the critism and try again.
whatever your choice.
Posted by Jojo Johnson
First off, I would like to say I am a bisexual female. So in that sense I have experience. YOu are right in that I do not have a lot of experience, but these are things that happened. So I hope that you continue to read more of my stories.
Posted by ac
ok. i apolisgise fully and completely for any offense i may have caused. i hope you still take in account the critism i said and continue to write. i will continue to read your stories and continue to give you completely honest advice.
my apoligies,
ac.
ac_surfa4eva@yahoo.com.au
Posted by jackie
straight man, straight female, bisexual man, bisexual female, gay man, gay female, it does not change the fact that this story had no development and no feeling.
Thats all i have to say about that.
Posted by Jojo Johnson
I would also like to point out, that I do take the criticism in, but that it part of it seems odd. Almost everyone who has commented it has seemed that they do not read these stories for the purpose of jacking off. If this is not the purpose of reaading porn, then can someone please explain to me what is. But I will take into accound next time of giving a little bit of a story beforehand
Posted by Jackie
Part of writing is PLOT. No matter what people read, there needs to be some kind of build up for it to be exciting. Whether it be porn, love, mystery, whatever. All reading and writing is the same. For example, which would you prefer?
Two girls screwed in the bathroom.
Two girls screwed in the bathroom after getting hot and bothered at a movie.
Why would you rather read the second one?
Its more in depth.
The more in depth you become, the better your story becomes.
But hey, thats just me. I don't know others opinions on the matter. I just think that is something all good authors should know.
Posted by ac
yes, i must agree with the previous review. there are a fair few people who only read stories for the sex, but you'll find the people who review and actually review, are looking for something more. i have been hanging around this site for nearly five years, and to be completely honest, i came on here looking to learn some technique.
but, the point is, a part of writing a story, regardless of what kind of story, as jackie has pointed out, there needs to be be a story. as in a background, a plot, an outcome.
using jackie's example-
-background-
two girls decided to go out with one another.
-plot-
they went to the movies, got bored, went to the bathrorom, fucked eachother's brains out, went home.
-outcome-
they got together and live happily ever after.
and all the way, you need development. development of the characters, of the plot, everything.
now, the other day, i got an e-mail from a very kind person, who basically said i had no right to review other peoples stories, because i had written none myself.
hmmm. well, that person may be right. do i have the right to say what i think? is anything i say correct in the slightest?
well, if you want to read any of the stuff i've written over the years and determine whether or not i'm worthy of what i do, drop me a line.
anyway, goodluck to the author, feel free to e-mail me if you dis/agree with what i've said, and i'll look out for your stuff in the future.
Posted by Jackie
I have a review for the previous comment.
I have something to say not only to the emailer specifically, but for everybody.
In actuality, this person had NO RIGHT to email YOU, and tell you to NOT comment.
This is a REVIEW section. IT IS FOR reviews FROM THE READERS. Just because you haven't written anything doesn't mean your comments aren't worthy. It simply means you like reading, and maybe writing isn't your thing.
Me, i like to write. That doesn't make me better than anybody else.
People, if you can't handle your reviews, DON'T FUCKING POST. I have said this before, and i will say it again. If you find that you're consistently getting bad reviews, then you need to spend more time on your work. Its plain and it is simple. You have no right to email somebody and give them hell because you didn't like thier opinion.
So, whoever that person is should email me, so i can stick my foot up their ass. That, and every other person who has something to say.
Posted by DD
I must admit, all of these reviewers had a pretty damn good point. I'm no porn writer, but I do specialize with shounen ai (boy+boy relationships with plot) and I have to say that reading just a porn story is not as satisfying wheras a story with plot. Even though this is the lesbian section, no matter what story you write, preferably with some sort of sex scene, it should build up from a plot. I was disappointed when I read the story. It wasn't as good as the title let on. So I urge you to improve. However, as to the people who weren't as...plesant as they could have been with their reviews, try to understand that throwing insults and critical comments around without anything helpful to say is worse than the story you are reviewing for yourself. I don't beat around the bush when I review, if it's bad, it's bad. But some of you were downright wrong in discouraging this author from writing ever again. I know all of you didn't say it, but all of the reviews insinuate it. I want this person to continue, but to improve. I don't want to bitch around saying I hope this person never touches a keyboard to write again. If you don't have anything remotely nice to say, it's best not to say anything at all. Respect the author, please. Because the story isn't good doesn't mean that the author cannot reach her potential. I just had to write because I was somewhat disgusted by everyone's comments. JJ, I hope you improve, and take note to what the others have said, though they were rude about it.
Posted by Liz
I really like your reviews, Jackie and AC. of course. you guys are killer honest. and i fully revere Jackie's writing (and am waiting for one by AC) and follow the same dogma of writing myself. And yeah, bisexual female with experience or not is irrelevant. Jackie has no experience being a man, and yet she wrote a killer series from a male perspective (the jax chronicles, i believe?). i have yet to get that risky. so, if you don't like our feedback, don't write to a free site. publish cheap porn on your own site without a forum for reviews.
Posted by Jackie
I have something to say in my defense.
Never once did i say - "do not ever pick up the keyboard, never touch a pen again in your fucking life."
I don't recall that in my review. As a matter of fact, I quote from my earlier comment: 'You have potential, now use it.'
So don't go gettin all bitchy with me Mr. Man.
I see your point very well. I think we all do. So we can just let it go now and be happy.
Posted by ac
i don't agree.
if the person knows and feels and understands and has EXPERIENCED what the're writing, you can feel it etc as well.
and DD- you've made your point. i've learnt that i'm rude and bitchy. lol, well THAT was productive.
Posted by DD
I am a WOMAN, thank everyone very much. And I'm glad that everyone wasn't on the fense with what I said.
Posted by lucy harnett
ur story was very tasteful but heres a hint get a strap-on or double dildo then u can really get it on.
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