True Friendship 5

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Next day 

"Hey girls, come on in."
So that's what we did. We took our seats and waited for Jennifer to start tapping her pen on her clipboard and smile at us while asking us meaningless questions. I see no purpose anymore my best decision would be a blade to the vein but I'll wait and see. Just a little longer. 
"You know, Jen, my problem is indeed the fear of taking risks. And I'm afraid this will have to be fixed."
"Yes yes it will. And I know just how to do it."
No, you're not supposed to know how to fix my fear. Damn you.
"Really? I'm relieved."
"Good. Karyn we need some time alone please."
What are you doing woman?!
"No problem."

Karyn happily left and closed the door gently behind her. No! Let her back in. I gave Jennifer a fake smile and continued,
"Yes?"
"Now I'm not pressuring you to do anything but I think that if you gave Karyn another chance, it'd work out wonderfully. Karyn seems to have fully recovered, just look at her! She wants you like no other both your body and your mind. I can see it in her eyes."
"Like you would know."
I accidentally blurted it out,
"I mean, I'm sorry. I'm just a bit moody."
"It's okay. But I think I would know. Now I'm not a lesbian but I've had many cases like these before except usually the parents who send them here are being supportive rather than trying to fix them."

Gee thanks, way to make me feel good.
"Just give Karyn another try."
"Okay."
Maybe if I jumped out of the window now I won't have to deal with this. Yes just think Laura think! If I just kill myself today I'll have nothing to worry about. I've got nothing to lose.
"You've got nothing to lose. And I won't charge for this session it's only been half an hour. Good luck Laura. Send Karyn my best wishes."
"Will do."
Never. Say bye-bye to Laura.

=====
Arrival at Laura's real home 

I could feel the terrible, terrible tension in the air, the stress and the pain. Karyn simply sat there as if nothing in the world mattered anymore, with a blank expression on her face. I didn't bother to speak to her, after all, my own thought and troubles pounded into my brain making me think harder about it, making me resolve in suicide after every resolution I have ever thought of. Once I get home I'll tell my parents that I'm not 'fixed' and see what they have to say about that. I'll love their reaction I know it.

"Welcome home girls. Karyn? Would you like to take a seat?"
Karyn began to shake her head and walk back out the front door but I took her by the arm and sat her down forcefully in the chair nearest by. My fake smile was plastered to my face and I sat down right in the couch where my mother was sitting with my father. I have news for you dad 
"Well? How is my wonderful daughter?"
Wonderful huh? Wait till you hear what I have to tell you 
"That psychiatrist didn't do bull."
"Watch your language young lady. What? Does that mean "
Yes there goes the niceness and here comes the 
"I'm still a lesbian."
"The hell I paid good money for you and "
He was breathing heavily and now he was on his feet, fists clenched and teeth gritted.
"I tried dad, I really did." 
Ha I think I've lied enough already.
"Are you insane? Have you become a demon child?"

My mother asked me with a small voice, still seated comfortable as far as I can see on the couch.
"No mom. I can't seem to control my urges and desires. I'm sorry I failed you as a daughter."
I'm not one bit sorry 
"It's okay, Laura we'll find someone else."
My father insisted, as he was trying to calm himself down I swear his veins on his forehead and temple were going to burst.
"Thanks dad, for trying and I'm glad you are. But please no more shrinks. I'm tired maybe it's just a phase."
Calm down you're going to need those veins to pop when I get my scissors out 
"By the way Karyn thanks for accompanying me. I'll see you later."
Or not 
"Alright Laura. Bye."
Karyn quickly rushed out of my house in a slight terror of my father's reaction. Think of how he would react if I weren't so cooperative and calm about this. I'll be in my room dad sleeping.

"I'll let you guys think about this. I hope you'll be able to help me dad. I'm going to bed."
"Alright we'll talk in the morning."
No no we won't.

=====
Moments later 

All misery ends here. Let's see scissors, check and I'm sitting on my bed so when I collapse at least I won't make a suspicious thump on the ground. I sat patiently and listened to the sounds downstairs listening to see if my parents were coming up the stairs or not. Should I stab myself or cut myself? My friend always told me to cut vertically then the phone rang. Annoyed, I walked over to my desk and picked up the phone,
"Hello?"
This had better be good 
"Laura?"
Oh goodie Karyn.
"Hey Karyn. What's up?"
"Nothing really. I just wanted to know if you could come over for a sec."
Kind of busy 
"What for?"
"Well I wanted to talk."
Talk? Ha.
"What about? We can talk on the phone. Or online I could get online for you "
"No just please."
Damn it.
"Okay. Be over in five minutes.

=====
At Karyn's 

"Glad you could make it."
I'm not glad I mean I still love you but I was kind of busy you know.
"Me too. Had to get away from my parents."
I could have too, permanently.
"Well that's what I wanted to talk about. Why were you acting weird?"
"Me? Weird? Oh you mean the pretending that I wanted to be 'fixed' thing?"
"Yeah."
"Well did you see how my dad reacted? It would have been ten times worse if I weren't being so cooperative."
"Oh. I see. But do you still want me?"
I probably would if I trusted you more.
"Yes."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I think you're rushing things. I don't think I'm ready to take such a big risk yet."
"Big risk? You've already taken this risk before!"
"And see how it turned out Karyn?"
"I don't think I'm going to get raped again."
"How do I know you're still not traumatized?"
"I kissed you as a sign of my recovery didn't I?"
"Doesn't mean anything you know. I could kiss a guy and pretend I like him "
"That's different, Laura and you know it is."
"How so?"

Yeah I got you. I win this. Karyn sat sort of well dumbfounded. I wasn't thinking straight at all though, I felt drunk I felt distorted. I think I was acting drunk too in a way not caring about what I say or what I do.
"I'm sorry Karyn. Until you can truly prove to me that you're not going to go through that whole 'traumatized' experience again while you're with me I'll only be your best friend."

Maybe I'll be your best friend in heaven. Or maybe hell since I'm so 'sinful' I'll probably end up with the great Pluto anyway.

"I'm sorry you feel that way."
"Me too."
"Thanks for coming over anyway."
I leaned over and kissed Karyn, at least I tried to she pulled away.
"See? You pulled away."
"You just took me by surprise."
"Well now that was the exact proof I needed to show you that we aren't ready at least you aren't. Now we know it's not entirely my fault we're not together again."
And as for me I won't have to deal with this crap in life anymore.

=====

I could feel myself grow weak as I lie there on my bed. Darkness had yet to consume me for all I know, I was conscious and bleeding from my wrist. Direct hit on my vein. And I saw nothing but black. Finally death has taken its toll.

Voices voices everywhere Am I dead? I see white. I could feel a tight piece of cloth being jerked on my wrist, tighter and tighter. I could also feel air being pumped through me. New blood was rushing through my veins. No I'm still alive still fucking alive. As I tried to sit up, knowing very well that I was still alive, I saw a nurse shake her head and push me back down on my back. Darkness fell upon my eyes again.

"Laura Laura?"
Who's saying my name?
I opened my eyes to find a doctor hovering over me and a couple of nurses standing by my sides. 
"Yeah?"
"Thank god."
I heard a familiar voice that just entered my little hospital room. My dad. Great.
"Laura! What the hell do you think you were doing?"
"Sir, you're going to need to keep your voice down and stay calm with your daughter she's had severe blood loss and she may black out again."

I say my dad's fired up face begin to turn back into its normal shade and I saw him sit back down. My mother handed him his handkerchief. I'm grounded for life.
"Laura you realize you were cut directly on a vein right?"
Of course I was the cutter you know.
"Yeah. I regret doing that."
I lied, but with a perfectly innocent and angelic expression on my face.
"Good we still need to send you to a mental institution. This case is rather serious and we have to be sure that you won't do it again."
"Great. I'm glad you're doing all you can to help."
I lied again being cooperative was rather amusing yet less of a hassle. Then I remembered Karyn, has she heard of the news yet? Wow I'm going to be famous in school; in fact, I might just live and spend my wonderful time in my mental hospital!