How do you explain what happened. We had the perfect relationship, love and trust friendship, no sex but we didn't need it what we had was better than sex. I can explain what happened it was my fault. I did it I admit there?s nothing I can blame it on. I loved that girl more than I loved myself and I fucked it up. It all started after graduation, the ceremony was over we both had family waiting for us the usual grad night requirements, dinner with the family, stories about our child hoods from old uncle so and so. But, she was going back to Russia to visit family for a month we were going to be apart, for a month. It hurt to think that I wouldn't see her. The soft curve of her chin, and the way her eyes went on forever when I stared into them. I was talking to my cousin when she came up behind me, and slipped her hand into mine, I didn't have to turn around and see who it was I just knew. As my cousin rambled on I turned my head and said, ?hello love,? She squeezed my hand and said ?Walk with me.? 

I forgot all about my family obligations and walked away with her. As we walked we talked about life and she told me how much she would miss me while she was gone.? I didn't understand why she was so sad. She was coming back in a month I would miss her too, but we were going to be together in 4 weeks. We walked back to where we had our first kiss, and became an official couple; it seems so long ago we said. She looked at me tears in her eyes and I thought to myself. This must be what it's like to die, my heart was breaking its pieces being ground into powder and I didn't know why. I opened my arms and she stepped into them. I was made for this woman, as I held her I told her ?You are my first, You are my last, and you will be the only woman I ever love.? She smiled and raised her face to be kissed. How I would miss those lips, always so soft so welcoming, lips that could make me forget we were in public. A gentle touch like the fluttering of a butterfly, I kissed her again, and she grew much more moldable to my body pressed against me I could feel her heat. Between the two of us we must have been radiating heat. I lost myself in that kiss, and then and there my decision was made I would no longer hide my true self from my parents, and my family. Then needed to know, and I knew they would accept me. 

God, her tongue touched my lip, and she suckled it as if she were a new born, I knew that was heaven. I pulled her up to me and sat her on the bar blocking off access to the back of the plaza. I kept kissing her until, I realized where I was if we had been in a less open place I would have given to her what no man could give to me. But, alas, we weren't I broke away from her lips, and leaned back. She opened her eyes and said, ? I'm going to miss that.? ?Me too,? but we gotta get back. Fine she said and slipping her hand back into mine, we headed back to our families, on the edge of the crowd she stepped into me and kissed me gently. I hugged her close and said, ? If ever you need me just call me.? She left with a sigh and went to her family. That was the last time I saw her for over a year. But, I didn't doubt why. Well the next day I did what I said I would, I sat my mom down and said, ? If I told you I was gay what would you do.? She looked at me and said. ? I?d tell you it wasn't true.? ? I looked her square in the face, and said, ? I'm positive it's true I'm gay.? She just shook her head and said, no your not.

I couldn't understand how the woman who pledged to support me no matter what I did couldn't support me then. She told me all the reasons I couldn't be gay. And as I thought about it, I realized I did miss sex. I couldn't tell her that. Fine, I'm not gay but I do like girls. That mother of mine just didn't stop. There is no bisexuality, you either are or your not. And you most definitely are not. I just got up and walked away. About an hour later I went to a party, I wish now I hadn't but I did. The music was blaring and the booze was flowing. Of course I was by no mean drunk, but there was this dagger in my heart that twisted every time I thought of my mothers words. Along came Mr. . I never even got his name. 

Why oh why did I agree to go to that room. But, go I did and did what I knew was wrong. But, it felt so natural. After that I went home. I got in the shower and I cried. I never cry, but I cried like the world was ending and it was. Little did I know. I planned on telling her but I never got the chance. The guy that I fucked that night told everyone he knew, he got a lesbian, She must have found out before she got home. On the day she was supposed to come see me she never showed, I called her house and left message, but I got no response. For weeks I called, but eventually her number was disconnected. I had no idea where she was. I couldn't talk to my mom she didn't care about my relationship, hell she didn't know. I brooded, and cried, I fought depression with my entire soul, and the demons of hell came up and tried to rip me to shreds. The one thing that kept me together was a song, By Amanda Perez. 

God send me an angel
From the heavens above, 
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart 
From being in love.
Cuz, all I do.
Is cry
God send me an angel to wipe the tears from my eyes.
You had me on my knees begging god please,
To send you back to me.
I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep
You made feel like I could not breathe.
And all I wanted to do
Was feel your touch, 
And to give you all my love.
God send me an angel,
To heal my broken heart,
From being in love

The story of my life, as the months went on I got over her. It only hurt when I breathed, and I could say her name without, breaking down. As the year wore on I met a new girl, her name was Brittney. But, at night I dreamed of Anna, and the way she left, and I dreamed of what I told her, ?You are my first, you are my last, and you will be the only woman I ever love.? It was the dream that I couldn't shake. I had made it out of the darkness and into the dawn. Then I got a phone call, ? You are never going to believe who I saw,? Kim screamed. Hmmm. ?Let me guess some incredibly hunky male celebrity.? I replied. ? I wish, But no. I saw Anna.? She replied. ?That's nice Anna who.? I asked. ?your Anna, the love of your life. That Anna.? Kim stated. I didn't know what I was doing, I just hung up the phone and struggled for air. ?fuck? I'm supposed to be over this girl, why can't I breathe. I just stood there in awe. Then I thought, she knows what happened that's why she hasn't called, and I hung my head. Someone once told me that when you love someone you let them go. I let her go and, I didn't try to find her I moved on and I was living my life the way I wanted. Until I got the phone call that threw back to the pit I had just fought my way out of. I was at a Santa Clara University soccer game, hanging with my friend and her girlfriend. Molly had my phone, ? 

Hey Trace, somebody?s calling you.? ? Who is it?? I asked. ? I dunno private number.? She said. Handing me the phone, ? Hello,? there was silence on the line ?hello,? I repeated. Then a voice came on ? I miss you.? she said. The phone fell from my hand, and I broke down. I cried, and I cried, how could she forgive me, I still hadn't forgiven myself. She called back, and Molly talked to her. She was at the movies and invited me along. As I got out of the car and bought my ticket, I wondered if we could just pick up where we left off. Someone walked up behind me and slipped their hand into mine. I turned to look and I saw her, she looked at me and said, ? I couldn't let you go.? ? I looked at her and thought, I don't deserve this woman. God did send me an angel, she is my angel. ? I looked at her and said, ?You are my first, you are my last, and you will be the only woman I ever love.? She stepped into my arms and kissed me softly. I was lost again, lost in love, and I never want to be found.

Tell me what you think of this story. I want to know if I should write another one

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