Issues and Smiles

I’ve only written from my own experience. And because it is all I know, and I’m sometimes barely convinced of my own existence, so how can I possibly portray another? At least this existence has some meaning. But I wish it were easier. And I wish love was simple. And I wish that I had more freedom, and that gays had more rights, that my 56K modem wasn’t quite so slow, and that I didn’t get sick whenever I eat pizza because pizza is my favorite food. And I wish…

“If I tell you, you’ll break up with me.”
“I told you, I don’t break up with people over a little one-night stand. I love you, so there’s gotta be a better reason to leave you than THAT.”
“Um… it was a lot more than just a one-night stand. Way more.”
”WHAT?!”

They say we’ve all been through the same issues. That love is the same for almost everybody. But that doesn’t console me. It just makes me want to cry for everyone else, too- if I could shed my fears and prefabricated ideas and let myself cry. What this world needs is one big group hug.

“Did she know you had a girlfriend?”
“No. She thought that she was my girlfriend.”
“How long was it?”
“A month. And in an hour, it won’t matter. I’m breaking up with her on the phone. We didn’t really go out all that much or have sex…”
“I consider manual pleasure to be sex.”
“It’s not like I cared about her. Just a heat-of-the-moment thing.”
“That’s a lot of moments. I need to go…”
“Wait!”
I turned back for a second to hear her. 
“Don’t call me tonight.” The tears started flowing. “I’m taking pills and killing myself.”
I lit a cigarette and left her at the bus stop. I kept walking, not knowing where I was going or what I was doing. She could have been manipulating, but still- we both have depression. And I have a heart, I guess. I went back. She was crying on the bench in the little covered bus stop. I sat down and put an arm around her.
“Don’t hurt yourself.”
No answer.
“I’m not breaking up with you, Alex. I love you.”
It was barely audible. “I love you too.”
“Promise me you won’t hurt yourself.”
Another whisper. “You’re mad at me. I know you have a reason, but you’re still pissed.”
“OK, what’s the longest I’ve ever been pissed at someone? I don’t hold grudges like you do. Just give me time to cool down, OK?”
The bus came. She left.
*******
What an odd juxtaposition to the weeks since she had first returned from Virginia. I can describe it all in only one word: bliss. Heaven. OK, and maybe some novelty and adventure, in a sense… 

“Ever try clit-fucking? OK, fucking is not the best term, but you get the idea. Only problem is that sometimes it doesn’t work for both girls.”
“Um… well then…”

I don’t even know why I tried words. She got on me and started arousing the sensitive areas on my legs, behind my neck, as usual- trying to give me “ISSUES”- our code word for serious horny wetness. I hate going first, though. I don’t get the same issues when I receive pleasure first as when I watch her entrenched in ecstasy. I guided her onto my bed, her ass on my folded body pillow. After the passionate kissing, I teased her by touching the outside of her pussy and commenting, “not wet enough. Sorry.” 
“What?! I have MAJOR issues!”
Heh heh. Not major enough. Once Alex mentioned something about sensitivity in her outer ear. Holding her tightly, I licked the rims of her ears, alternating between gently sucking on her earlobes and biting her ear gently. Her sighs became louder, and as I felt for her wetness, licked her ear, and lovingly kissed her again, I became aware that her sighs now started to sing lightly from her vocal cords instead of the usual rushes of cool air by my ear. I remembered how she had also said something about the erotic properties of sexual vocalizations. All technicalities aside, I was starting to have some major “issues,” as wet now as Alex herself.
Licking down her front line, down past her belly, brushing her inner thighs, I tasted her nectar and began to send her into bliss with my tongue. As my tongue began to tire, my computer playlist put on a fast-paced techno/punk rave song- completely irrelevant but with an amazing beat. As Mindless Self-Indulgence spun their mix, my tongue matched the extreme pace of the song and sent Alex over the edge with such intensity, her restless hands gripped my head and deeply stroked my long hair. I made sure afterward that she learned exactly how good she tasted on my tongue. 
Even though I love Alex, I don’t know if I could have steeled myself to let myself go enough to do what we did next if the next song wasn’t so damned appropriate. From loud metal, my computer player slid into a gentle lesbian song filled with tenderness and both love and lust- Janis Ian’s “Ride Me Like A Wave.” 
“Drown me with delusion and desire-
Ride me like a wave.
Cover me in spray
Promise you will stay…”
Alex lay me flat on me back and leaned over me on all fours, probing my mouth with her tongue and licking my neck and chin. Ever so gently, she began gyrating, rubbing her pussy against mine, licking me and rubbing her whole soft body against me in the process. The moment was so intimate and warm, I came right after she did even though she started rubbing a little too high and missed. In both our orgasms, we vocally sighed in each others’ ears, our voices blending into a melody of love. Singing, I call it. Although I do recall describing both of us as the “quiet types.” Hmmm… I guess when it came down to intimacy with the one I loved, I shed my inhibitions…